How does one pressurize cream? Do you call it a failure and tell it that its father would be ashamed of its performance at school if only he wasn’t off gallivanting with his floozy? Do you whip it into submission? Do you offer it a puff of your weed and tell it that all the cool kids are doing it? Do you waterboard it? Compare it to skim milk?
Fuck it. Dairy Queen ice cream cakes are better anyway, Ribbon Freeze is too complicated and gross.
Hey, I did it!