Whoa, whoa, whoa…back it up there, chief. Canned pumpernickel?
Pumpernickel is bread, you realize. Unless you’re stocking a bomb shelter then nix that nonsense right the damn ass hell now. In fact, lose the tinned gluten anyway and stock up on brandy. You’re going to be in that fallout shelter a loooooonnnng time and you probably won’t be alone in that underground dorm room. You’ll need booze, and lots of it.