Linda Blair ain’t got nothin’ on this horror show

There is no god.


I always wanted to be irresistible to Druids…


Separate those buttcheeks as far as you want to, girl, but that fart you’re trying so hard to silence is going to be ricocheting around those jeans until you shake it out your pant leg and into the elf’s robe, and your ruse will be exposed when Arwen casts the spell whoever smelt it dealt it with +10 squeaky shoe blame.

There’s a downside here…

…and that downside is the level of coked-up rage that will inspire you to smack a cop in the gob and land you in prison because said cop confiscated your drugs AND your $2000 ivory paraphernalia. You’d deserve it though because you bought ivory and elephants are awesome.